A reformed Jeff Gannon covers the Oscars:

—Go ahead, Jeff.
—Mr. Eastwood, how do you think your film has influenced the debate on assisted suicide? Has the Hemlock Society endorsed it? Any plans to join?

—Jeff, question?
—Mr. Rock, did you keep your word and bring a pound of weed to make the ceremony more watchable? Can we take that to mean you think marijuana should be legalized? Did you indeed relax beforehand by "doing a little cocaine, chopping up some E"? And do you have any for the press?

—All right, one more...Jeff.
—Mr. Pierson, as president of the Academy, do you think any of the films about genocide, abortion, a drug courier, or ABC's close friend McDonald's have a Slurpee's chance in Savannah of winning any major awards? OK, what about Kate Winslet? Could we at least have Kate Winslet?

Tragedy tomorrow, comedy tonight!

One Billion [New Yorker]
Comedy Tonight [Gunther Anderson]
Farewell to Hemlock—Killed by Its Name [Assisted Suicide]
Rock Smashes Crystal [Terminal City]
Disney: Mouse or Multinational? [XRoads]
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind [Discover Kate]