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February162005

Sly boots

Filed under: Eustace Google   Tagged: , , ,

Sylvester Stallone, noted for his presidential preference against serving in Vietnam, has cited Leonardo Da Vinci as his personal hero. Indeed, he has many strings to his bow. Aside from his thespian and directorial achievements, he writes, paints in oils (Julian Schnabel was said by critic Robert Hughes to be the "Sylvester Stallone of painting," which could overshadow Stallone's own career in fine arts), collects the work of others, parents, keeps in shape, expresses support for the war in Iraq, hosted Saturday Night Live (1997), golfs, and appears to read the Tarot. As Hendrik Hertzberg reported in the New Yorker issue of Sept. 29, 2003:


On October 8, 1993—a day short of exactly ten years before the originally scheduled date of California’s recall election—one of Sylvester Stallone’s better movies opened wide at area theatres. In “Demolition Man,” Stallone played a Los Angeles cop, cryogenically frozen around the turn of the century as punishment for a bum rap, who is thawed out in the year 2032 to give chase to his similarly thawed-out criminal nemesis. He teams up with Sandra Bullock, a new-style nicey-nice police officer. As she is showing him around the L.A. of the future—where everything is tidy, corporate, and bland—he does a double take when she mentions the “Schwarzenegger Presidential Library.” Decades before, Bullock explains perkily, Arnold Schwarzenegger became so popular that the American people waived the technicalities and made him their maximum leader.... This was satire, not prognostication. Either way, though, it appears, at the moment, to be right on schedule.

Now Stallone is a magazine publisher, too. The cover of the premiere issue looks strange and unfinished; it's self-consciously boyish, like a vintage Atari bulletin for health-shake-drinking NASCAR fans. The content is old-spicey, too—piping-hot updates on, for instance, Jackie Collins, Kim Basinger, and the founder of Sam Adams (not to mention Rocky IV). Still, the actual magazine isn't as retro as this witty reworking by Panopticist of Sly's cover. The typography and frightening face shininess are not to be missed.

On the real cover, fittingly, the gaze of Jenna Jameson's cleavage is pointed directly at Sly's abs, which is what we have come to. From the fight veteran's lead pectorial:

Pay attention to the really important things in life. Be the guy who tells the joke, not the recipient of the punch line. Be the predator, not the food source. Gorge yourself at that banquet of life until the only thing left on the table are crumbs. In other words, you’re an army of one. So, it’s up to you to either lead the charge with conquest on your mind ... or sound the trumpets of retreat. If you’re reading this magazine, you’re already hitting the ground running.

But perhaps an entire magazine isn't necessary to convey one's personal philosophy. All it really takes is the right embroidery, as reported in a 1998 Cigar Aficionado profile (in which Stallone reflects that he would have liked to have played in The Lion in Winter and A Streetcar Named Desire, among others):

In his den, a dark, wood-paneled room filled with leather-bound books, leather chairs and rare Bedouin rifles hanging high on the walls, there is a small, homespun knit pillow inscribed with what truly must be Stallone's words to live by: "He lived life on his own terms. He fought his wars. He lost a few. But he never quit."

Strongman: Arnold Schwarzenegger and California’s recall race [New Yorker]
Sly magazine: March 2005: Premiere Issue [GetBig, via Panopticist]
The Surprisingly Retro Design of Sylvester Stallone's New Magazine [Panopticist]
The Chickenhawk Database [New Hampshire Gazette, via Birdman]
The Patron Saint of Paint: Score one for brush strokes: Julian Schnabel, aging bad boy of American art, takes over Frankfurt [Time Europe]
Stallone II: After Years of Muscling His Way Across the Screen, Sylvester Stallone Seeks a Different Label: Serious Actor [Cigar Aficionado]
Rocky [print, Krugerstars]

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