No David Sedaris movie just now, but he is on a national lecture tour. Get tickets while you can, but don't bring your children unless you want them to hear...vulgarities!

First, the bad news.

The Wayne Wang film based on David Sedaris' stories is a dead deal.

"I got out of it," Sedaris says from his Paris home last week while packing for the tour that brings him to Gainesville Saturday.

"I've never written a movie, and I've never wanted to. So (Wang) was going to get someone else to write it, and then I just started thinking. Basically what I did was tell somebody: 'Oh, fine, you take my family and do whatever you want. And you have the address to send the check, right?' I felt awful."
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OK, now the good news.

When Sedaris pulls up to the podium Saturday night at the Phillips Center for the Performing Arts, he'll read old and new material, perhaps even a new story so raunchy it may never end up in print. "It's too dirty for The New Yorker, and it can't be on the radio. And it's not like I can sell it to a sex magazine because it makes sex look repellent," he explains.
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"It's just filthy," he says with a sigh. "I mean just filthy. Not just filthy words, I mean the whole idea of it. It gives you a stomach ache ... And I have no idea how that's going to work—at all. I would be interested in it if somebody read it out loud, but you never know with people."

The true story opens with a finely dressed American couple on a plane casually spewing vulgarities as if they were Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne. The story finds its way into a cab and then, Sedaris adds, "it's just right down the toilet."

"I think it's funny, but I have no idea," he says. Either way, he maintains, this will be no place for children.