It's that time again already—to vote in the next cartoon caption contest. Think of it as the Kentucky Derby, but you get to choose which horse—Adrian Zanchettin, Tom Szidon, or Lewis Gatlin—is fastest. On your marks...get set...go! Here are the captions—you'll have to look at the drawing to choose properly.

"Frank called to say he'll be late—he's stuck at the office."
Submitted by Adrian Zanchettin, New York, N.Y.

"Yes, I do miss the corporate jet. I miss the corporate jet very much."
Submitted by Tom Szidon, Chicago, Ill.

"This is my stop. Phil, you'll be C.E.O. till Sixty-third Street."
Submitted by Lewis Gatlin, Elizabeth City, N.C.

Of course, as with last week, the choice is obvious, though again there's a decent second that only just misses the mark. #1 wrote itself with a piece of software called Obvious Gag. It's not that it's a complete dud, but it's flat; it doesn't fizz. #2 is as ingenious as the grouping of consonants in Szidon's name, but it would be funnier if one of the employees were saying it rather than the boss. I really admire it, though. #3 is the best. It takes the simple part of the joke and makes it into a whole universe, with its own logic. That's why Lewis Gatlin has my vote, and, I hope, yours. Now, make your voice heard.

The New Yorker contest isn't the only game in town. When you're done with this decision, you can enter the Land Big Fish cartoon caption contest, see other entries as they're submitted, and rate your co-competitors from 1 to 10 (in .5 intervals, Olympics-style). If you win, you get a free one-year subscription to the non-evocatively named Honey Hole, The Trophy Bass Magazine. On second thought, maybe they'd better change the prize to a lifetime supply of Jig & Pigs:

There are changes within Honey Hole Magazine, Inc. and this has caused a lot of gossip in the chat rooms and concern among members. When something changes after over 20 years some people decide to make up their own stories about what's actually occurring (but they did that before any changes were ever made, too). It's possible the magazine will be sold as well, but not done as yet. If you phone or email the office you will find that we're still answering the phones and email. Email the office at honey100@airmail.net

We have sold the television show. We also made the decision to hold no further team or family events and because of this are restructuring magazine issues. This has everyone rushing to ask questions about the portions of Honey Hole that pertain to them. If it is not mentioned in the first paragraph, it has not changed. The club web site at TheBassClub.com is still open, club pages at HoneyHoleMagazine.com will be unavailable for viewing for a short period while the site is redone. We are removing team, family and television pages and have a lot of major renovations to do on the site as a whole. It is a lot easier to just take everything down and put it up fresh for the web site. So bear with us.

Thanks for your patience and kind emails and phone calls. We hope you all have a wonderful 2005.

It doesn't sound that wonderful for the staff whose issues are being restructured. Hope things have improved, and in the meantime, pretend it's the early part of the last century and all you do in your spare time is sit around thinking up clever captions for things and slogans for laundry soap. "Contest gold has all the lure of pirate gold," as Wilmer S. Shepherd used to say, and he would know; he was "the founder of the Shepherd Correspondence School of Contest Technique ('the Harvard of contest schools') in Philadelphia," reported Time in 1952. "Lesson Six ('The Big Secret at Last') tells students to relax and 'start putting words on paper. Start with the first word that pops into your mind relating to the product. This word will suggest another word. Simply jot them down as they come to you—and keep writing!' "

That is really good advice. Use it for the next drawing, by Annie Levin, which looks like it'll be lots of fun to work with. Professor Shepherd—who "won his first contest ($5 and all the ice cream he could eat) at the age of 12"—would want you to go for it.

Go In to Win! [Time archive]

Categories: NYer, Issue, Cartoons, Contest, Magazines