I like it when magazines about the sweet slurp of capitalism tsk-tsk conspicuous consumption. From a Fast Company blog entry by Ryan Underwood:

What Billionaires Don't Have

This week's New Yorker magazine—a staff favorite minus one vocal holdout—contains a snappy little elegy by Kurt Vonnegut about the writer Jospeh Heller, author of the classic book Catch-22 and who died in 1999. I'm normally not a big poetry fan, but sitting on a city bus this morning, surrounded by stretch limos and chauffeured Mercedes' [sic] hauling their respective masters of the universe off for another day of obscene money making, I got a kick out of these lines (which I'm reproducing in whole, much to the nail-biting chagrin, I'm sure, of our hardworking legal department):

JOE HELLER

True story, Word of Honor:
Joseph Heller, an important and funny writer
now dead,
and I were at a party given by a billionaire
on Shelter Island.
I said, "Joe, how does it make you feel
to know that our host only yesterday
may have made more money
than your novel 'Catch-22'
has earned in its entire history?"
And Joe said, "I've got something he can never have."
And I said, "What on earth could that be, Joe?"
And Joe said, "The knowledge that I've got enough."
Not bad! Rest in peace!

Remember back in the 1970s when a new comic named Steve Martin had a routine offering advice on how to be a millionaire and never pay taxes?

"First, get a million dollars," Martin deadpanned. Then when the IRS comes and asks why you haven't paid taxes, just say, "I forgot!" The routine set up Martin's "excuuuuuuuse me!" catch phrase.

It seemed funnier back then, but we have to credit former Tyco CEO Dennis Kozlowski with a revival of sorts. His testimony in his trial on charges that he bilked his company out of millions was truly laughable.

Kozlowski has a lot to answer for. He admits his compensation was pretty over-the-top, but claims it was approved by a now-deceased company director. Federal prosecutors accuse him of stealing more than $150 million - money Kozlowski says was agreed to, but apparently was never disclosed to shareholders.

Last week, a prosecutor pressed Kozlowski on a $25 million "bonus" not reported on his 1999 tax return.

"You did not notice that the $25 million was missing from your W-2?" a prosecutor asked, according to reports of his testimony.

"That is absolutely correct," he replied. "I did not notice that."