This week's caption entries are in (for this contest—updated link), and miracle of miracles, two out of three are so good I'm finding it hard to choose:

"I'm beginning to think I liked you better when you worked at Morgan Stanley."
Submitted by John Mariani
Tuckahoe, N.Y.

"I told you not to bring the clown!"
Submitted by Max Brooks
Chicago, Ill.

"Well, if you must know, he makes me laugh."
Submitted by Jacqueline Tager
Hollywood, Calif.

The second two are the picks in question, of course. The first is just a cheap shot; the second gets at the strange dark heart of clowns, as in Stephen King and John Wayne Gacy, Jr., the one real clowns (and I know) hate so much to hear about. The third is just great psychological evil. Men have been winning, for the most part (I may be wrong, so I'll double-check to ward off squawks from fact-checking fiends), so I think—though it's tough—that I'll go with Tager's entry. Seriously funny, this collection, and it can only mean good things for the contest's future. Go and vote before you forget!

I'm pleased to report that once again, my pick has won the current contest, Victoria Roberts Fishbowl Couple. Congratulations, Jan Richardson of Ridgeland, Miss. (Kenyon '85), on "He's the cutest little thing, and when you get tired of him you just flush him down the toilet"! Delicious. For the new contest, let's christen the bird the Hornby Pigeon in honor of A Long Way Down, which I liked very much and the Times did not, although I believe the reviewer in question (one M.K., not to be confused with Mary-Kate Olsen, although there was a juvenile quality to this particular review that might warrant making the comparison) did not actually read much of Hornby's novel, or at least not very closely. Oh well, not everyone likes suicide fantasias. Those who do should read the Hornby, then write in with a suitably funny-sad caption. I'm glad to see pigeons getting their say in the media after all the abuse they take, so give them the voice they deserve.