Y'know, 13 out of 14 of the caption contest artists so far have been men. That's cool; I like men, when they're not being weird. And I admire a goodly number of your high-stepping and well-groomed stable of male cartoonists. But I know you have some female cartoonists reporting for duty as well, aside from the supreme Victoria Roberts, who did the grand fishbowl fantasia. Like f'rinstance Carolita Johnson, Barbara Smaller, Emily Richards, Marisa Acocella, Kim Warp (great name), Liza Donnelly, Aline Crumb (or even Sophie!), and no doubt others. (Readers, in case you ever wondered and in the name of obsessive fact-checking, Pat Byrnes, J.C. Duffy, J.B. Handelsman, P.C. Vey, C. Covert Darbyshire, and P.S. Mueller are men. And God bless 'em! If I'm wrong about any of these, or indeed about anything at all, I entreat you, correct me.)

I'm sure there's been some debate over there about whether to include a Chast cartoon in the contest. It would indeed be very odd to have someone else caption it (would it be in her handwriting?), but it could be a interesting challenge for fans to approximate her voice. I notice that you've been using the bigger names for the Back Page, which is perfectly sensible, but anyone you feature will get a lot of attention, so that's never bad. While you're at it, why not hire Patricia Storms and Emily Flake? They have sizeable fan bases but are young enough to be reassociated with the magazine, they're gifted, and I think they'd be an asset to the abbey. Presumptuous of me to say so, I know, and as punishment I'm now hitting myself on the head à la Dobby the House Elf.

Speaking of great moments in contest history, here's a handy little archive of me and you and everyone we know:

#1: Are you a man or a mouse?, by Mike Twohy; caption by Roy Futterman
#2: Corporate training, by Leo Cullum; caption by Lewis Gatlin
#3: Mildly kinky emergency hotline, by Jack Ziegler; caption by Miriam Steinberg
#4: Gobbling monsters on the town, by Arnie Levin; caption by David Markham
#5:: Dow's down, but surf's up, by David Sipress; caption by Eric Slade
#6: The 6's degrees of separation, by Edward Koren; caption by Robert Cafrelli
#7: When the moon is in the seventh house, by Tom Cheney; caption by Anisha S. Dasgupta
#8: Something's fishy, by Victoria Roberts; caption by Jan Richardson
#9: Tail end of the story, by Alex Gregory; caption by Bob Schwartz
#10: Clown dating, by Danny Shanahan; caption by Jacqueline Tager
#11: Motley firing squad, by Frank Cotham; winner to be announced in August 15 issue and online.
#12: Doin' the Pigeon, by Mick Stevens; you can still vote through August 14, so for heaven's sake, support the perfect-pitched Harold Cronson! He's from Texas. If you live there, buy him an icy-cold Lone Star.
#13: B.D. and Boopsie could give them some pointers, by Mick Stevens; finalists to be announced in August 15 issue and online.
#14: Hairy day at the office, by Tom Cheney; your name here? Submissions accepted till 11:59 E.S.T., August 14.

Bonus caption contest: Squiddy the Chef.

This is, of course, no substitute for The New Yorker's own contest page, which I visit daily, and often oftener.

10 Stupid Questions With New Yorker Cartoonist P.S. Mueller [Planet Cartoonist]

Categories: NYer, Cartoons, Contest