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Banned on Airplanes: Terrorists, Liquids, Peanuts, Any Kind of Food at All, Affectionate Non-Heterosexual Behavior

Filed under: Eustace Google   Tagged: , , ,

I’m happy to see that a number of publications, like the Advocate and Edge Boston—not to mention the quick brown foxes over at Gothamist—are picking up Lauren Collins’s worrisome tale of an American Airlines flight attendant who harrassed and threatened a snuggling, paying, non-terrorist, regulation-ounces-of-liquids-carrying couple, gay men coming back from their first vacation together. The next time I fly American, and the next time you fly American, let’s do this. If one of the people you’re traveling with is the same sex as you, cuddle up. Hold hands. Smooch, whisper endearments, lean as you sleep. Let’s freak out the entire airline until they admit their mistake and promise never to do it again. We are Claudius and Claudius!

The argument that this particular “Texas-haired” flight attendant (I’m surprised TNY’s copy dept. has stuck to stewardess, incidentally; who uses that word anymore? I don’t think it’s being crazy P.C. given that it hasn’t been all women in a while) was an anomoly is a poor excuse. On no less a source than AirlineCareer.com, where you can take a short quiz to determine your fitness for a career in the skies, it’s stressed: “From greeting, serving, and assisting passengers to making announcements, you’ll always be representing the company in a customer service role. Because it’s very important to project a positive image, airlines are very careful about selecting candidates who have experience working with the public.” Not to mention all the gay flight attendants; what do your employees think of this, American? (More trivially, this reminds me of an entertaining conversation I had recently on an airport-to-town bus about Snakes on a Plane—the vast majority of assorted workers from the flight were planning to see it, and took quite a bit of pride in being associated with the industry under consideration.)

Actually, those who know me have heard an idea I’ve cooked up in recent months. No one likes Valentine’s Day, correct? Single people hate it for the obvious reasons, people in couples think it’s a bother—if you’re really in love you can give stuff to your sweetie whenever, and the sticky consumerist mud-puddle of it is just unseemly. Let’s make Valentine’s Day a sane, spirited boycott for civil rights instead: Until gay people can sleep on each other’s shoulders on airplanes and marry and adopt children without any interference, straight people won’t buy your stupid cards, go out to your stupid Valentine’s-themed restaurants; we’ll avoid any jewelry stores, eschew chocolate caramels, and so on. It’s like Buy Nothing Day and A Day Without Art combined, plus a cozy bed-in for everyone. Don’t sit at the lunch counter of the people who won’t serve ten percent of the population. Who’s with me?

Later: a kiss-off, if you will.

Later: Here’s Consumerist’s take.

Later still: I just happened on this absurd justification from an American Airlines spokesperson: “Our passengers need to recognise that they are in an environment with all ages, backgrounds, creeds, and races.” So…should the crew of the plane also recognize that, or are they off the hook?


boycott valentine’s day. interesting suggestion. i like it. creative, but direct. ooh la la.

Rather than fight Valentine’s Day, I celebrate August 14 as Sexytimes Day. The name might not be great, but I like to think that it’s in the right spirit.

I’ve been boycotting V-Day fer-ever. Hey, saw your site on Manhattan User Guide. Congrats!

—Jasmin (she with the cat named Chekhov.)

How about this? Everyone with a screaming brat should boycott all airlines in protest! yes! If gay people can’t quietly cuddle, then all reproducing couples should show their ire by never taking their lively little tykes on a plane again! (One does what one can, right?) That’ll show ‘em! Deprive us all of the joy.

Who’s with me on that? ha ha ha ha ha!

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