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Simon Rich Homage: What Do Hipster Parents Sound Like to Kids?

Filed under: Eustace Google   Tagged: ,

David Brooks, take note. From Mommy Poppins:
What do Hipster Parents Sound Like to Kids?

Simon Rich has written a hysterical version of what grown up conversation sounds like to kids in this week’s New Yorker Shouts and Murmurs. It made me think about how much I enjoy The New Yorker now and how much I hated it as a kid.

In tribute to Simon Rich’s piece, here’s how I imagined my parents when reading The New Yorker as a kid:

DAD: This magazine is so great. It has so many words in it.

MOM: Look at the cover. It makes no sense. That’s so clever.

DAD: (laughing) And, this cartoon isn’t funny. That’s the kind of cartoon I like, black and white cartoons that aren’t funny.

MOM: I have an idea. Let’s pick a movie based on these reviews to take the kids to. They’ll love that.

OK. That got my juices flowing, so let’s keep going with this.

What does conversation at the hipster parents’ couch sound like to the kids?

MOM: Did you see the cute thing the kid did today?

DAD: Yeah, we need to make sure he doesn’t do anything cute. That’s not cool.

FRIEND: Hey, I think they’re watching kid TV over there.

MOM: Shit! I thought I’d set it to only play MTV2.

DAD: Shut up…This is the best part of the song.

MOM: So are you taking the kid to the loud smelly grown-up concert tomorrow? He was kind of crying about it.

DAD: He’s going to love it. Dammit.

MOM: They saw some fun toys at their friend’s today that we can deprive them of…

DAD: Cool.

MOM: Cool.

DAD: Cool.

MOM: Cool.

DAD: Cool.

DAD: Cool.

MOM: The girl asked for a pink thing, but I bought her an ironic T-Shirt instead.

DAD: Yeah, it’s important that she learn to think for herself. Not just fall into what she wants because everyone else is doing it.

MOM: Those kids are lucky to have parents who are so cool and youthful like us, even though we’re in our 50s.

DAD: I like smoking this funny cigarette. It makes me stupid.

MOM: I took away all their candy so we can eat it after they go to bed.

Anyone else feel the vibe? Send in your version of grown-up stuff as heard by kids.


Thanks for linking to my post, but I hope I am not getting lumped in with David Brooks as a Hipster Parent hater…because I am a Hipster Parent mocker of a totally different stripe. In fact, I am a David Brooks mocker too—as you can see from my post on his idiotic Hipster Parent editorial.

Hi! I figured; note that I linked to Steven Johnson’s smackdown rather than Brooks’s original (and stupid) piece. :)

I hate hipster parents. But only MY hipster parents.

If I prefer the one about what parents must think when they peruse the NYer, that’s only because the hipster one at times seemed too close to actual transcription! Nicely done; very funny.

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