Onion, tell it like it is:

Woman Dozing at Coffee Shop Has That Dave Eggers Sex Dream Again

IOWA CITY, IA—Freshly jolted awake from a peach-tea-induced nap, Sumatra Café patron Laurie Dubar said she had that same sex dream about bestselling author Dave Eggers. “I’m lying on the couch naked, and Dave is next to me, also naked, reading Salon on his laptop,” said Dubar, a 34-year-old Iowa Writers’ Workshop instructor. “Suddenly, he turns to me and says, ‘Could you help me edit a collection of short fiction?’ and I can’t control myself any longer.” Dubar said she always wakes up just as Sarah Vowell walks in wearing a kimono.

But Dave (may I call you Dave? I brushed your nubbly sweater once at Galapagos but I was too shy to speak, though I did write an op-ed about that night) is far away in San Francisco, plus married, and all we can do is try on shoes in our sleep at the store and keep dreaming. Childishly jealous no more, we yearn only to be one with it all. At a sane and respectful distance, we’re still here.

Woman Dozing at Coffee Shop Has That Dave Eggers Sex Dream Again [Onion]
Around the World in a Week [Eggers interview, New Yorker]
Dave Eggers on waiting for the right time… [Kottke]
You Shall Know Our Velocity [Book Club, Slate]
Sleep [McSweeney’s]
Letters of Affection [Miss Abigail]